She was abused. A victim of incest from her mother and psychological, physical, mental, spiritual and emotional torture. At fourteen months old she had already had her hymen ruptured. By age four she could tell you more about sex than many experienced housewives of the age around 50. At fourteen her flesh was of more value to her owners than her mind would ever be. She has been forced to have sex with about 15,000 different men and women. But her body was changing her womanhood ripening regardless of the circumstances that were be falling her. At 24 she had lost four children. She was deemed an idiot and a schizophrenic by the words she uttered through her real life terror. Her words were frightening. Her stories of cruelty and of a mother that would sell her own daughter broke the hearts and angered the fists of many, but none would help her. Still it progressed, the horror breathed on and she remained damned to live it again and again. Now she is 34 and still the violence persists, but something has changed. Life or death don’t seem so powerful anymore. Simple notions that could breed life into the forlorn have zero meaning now. Since no one would believe her enough to help her, death – a way out!! – is her new focus. She saves all the drugs that she can from seroquel to gabapentin and waits for six more months. The violations do not cease. The candid auto blaming worsens and the interminable isolation becomes more than she can bare. For over an hour she sits upon a soggy mattress that rests on a basement floor and swallows pills handful after handful, washing them down with white wine. Then, she waits. However, the world that had born her into slavery and isolation, the world that hated and despised her very existence would not allow her to depart.
At age 36.5, this woman sits alone in a dark room writing this out. And you will do nothing because it isn’t your problem. This happened in your backyard. This is happening in your next door neighbors house, and like the other mindless drones out there you will say that you care, you might even weep…but like all the others you will do absolutely nothing.
And she still has to deal with a lifetime of masochism, while you choose to simply not believe.